And all at once, they come surging in.

Emotions.

Fickle little fuckers, aren't they?

See. I've got this thing. This problem. I build walls. Huge walls. I have walls my friends and family don't even realize are there. And why do I have these walls? I've got issues, why the hell else? Not gonna lie, I'm a little screwy. Been through some shit, and some more shit, and yeah, it's help me grow as a human, but it also forced me to build these walls.

Now. Occasionally, someone comes along, and somehow, that someone cracks the codes and gets in. They seem intrigued by the mess that is me, and they care to take a gander. Well. See. The problem is, they don't end up liking what they find, and they high tail it out of here. For some reason or another.

So what happens? Vacuum effect.

They leave this gaping hole, and everything that I was trying to keep out comes rushing in, like I'm some fresh kill that needs to be devoured.

And I know what we're all thinking. "Oh, little Miss Drama. Seriously? More of this emo bullshit?" I'm sorry that this is the only place I feel I can vent like this without being coddled or hurt again, so suck it, and if you don't like what you see, then eff off.

I don't like babying myself. I have this habit of reverting back to my five year old instincts of run to mommy, ask her to kiss it better and everything will be okay. Italy taught me that I can't do that. At the same time though, I don't always know how to deal with emotions. Happiness, I get. Elation, I get. Anger, I get.

There's a lot of grey area though. Sadness. That's big one. That one always takes a while to sink in. Regret. Fuck, that takes months. Safety. I don't even remember how long that takes. Sometimes minutes. Sometimes never.

Anywho. Rambling. It happens when I'm upset.

Basically, I let someone in. Or rather, they got in. I didn't exactly let them in. Honestly, I don't even know how it happened. I never do.

And the horrible part? I can feel them spinning on their heel, getting ready to run.

I thought I had built enough walls to protect myself from this shit, but apparently I didn't build them strong enough. And honestly, I don't know how much more of this shit I can take.

I'm gonna go clean now.