Ramblings and such.

You know. I was gonna blog earlier, about how crappy my day was going, how I didn't understand how things could be wonderful, and horrible the next. I'm actually really glad I waited though. I went from having a super crappy day, to feeling bad for gabbing a friend's ears of while venting, to feeling completely unsure of myself and lastly, loved and heard.

I've been trying this thing. Where if I feel like something's bothering me, I just talk. And talking leads to asking, and questioning, and eventually, it just all comes around to "please, give me a sign." How many times have we all honestly asked for that? It seems like it's in every Hollywood movie, in every book, and in every song. Normally someone's crying. All by their onesies in a dark room with the rain pouring down the window, or in the bathroom with the door shut, sitting on the floor.

Oh. Wait. Never mind, just described myself. Bahaha.  Oh, and putting an end to my sad emo choices.

Anywho. So I'm sitting in my car, just conversing about all the shit that's gone down over the past two days. And I was honestly curious as to whether or not I was even being heard. I mean, think about it. How many people, in this entire world, do you think talk to the same dude in one second? I'm pretty sure there's a lot of them, and a lot of them are in more need of his attention then me. Then I started thinking, even if I was heard, and I was being guided, how the hell would I know? There's so much that we control these days. Streetlights are on timers, and an automated app can start your car (is that actually out there?). It's like we've lost the magic of it all. People are so hellbent on figuring out how it works so they can duplicate it that they lose sight of the world around us, how beautiful it naturally is.

. . . And that's a different post. Haha.

Point is. How do you know? How.

I experienced something today that was so surreal, I honestly don't know how to explain it without sounding like a crazed person who went to one of those super spiritual churches, got hit on the forehead with the bible, and started crying out about all the new revelations they had in a five second time span. Again. Hollywood. Sorry. Wow, media sucks.

All I know is that currently? I believe. I believe more than I ever did, something is out there. Someone is listening, and even though I may not think I need them, they'll always be there, waiting for me to ask them a question, and tell them my secrets (thank you Coldplay). It made me feel so much better. I cried, but I cried happy tears. I actually felt reassured, for once in my life. Maybe I'm reading too much into it (there I go doubting everything again), but honestly, does it matter how I see it? The point is, what happened, happened. Those feelings were real, life is about interpretations.

So let's go back to the start. Let's rewind, refresh, and renew. Italy couldn't get here any sooner.